Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize