Will you blow on my dice?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
