we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
