I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
