when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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