Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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