If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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