I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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