if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You pole danced in your parka.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
