Dual....:-)
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
