Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
