so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
