Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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