I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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