No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
