I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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