what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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