yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
