It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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