That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
