My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
