please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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