The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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