We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
