She said her name was "party"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
