so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
