i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
pray to the hookup gods
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
