We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
