Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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