I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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