Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize