haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
