So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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