i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
