shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
