Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
