eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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