i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
operation have a gay friend backfired
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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