i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize