I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
