I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
