i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
