I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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