They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
