So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
