Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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