need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
