Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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