Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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