We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize