And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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