Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
