Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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