I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
