How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
