i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
