I didn't shave. On purpose
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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