i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
