What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
