just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
