I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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