paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel great
I just peed on a car
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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