We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize