if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
