I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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