Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
