I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
