this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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