three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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