What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
