Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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