i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
