I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
