so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
