i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
