I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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