escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
