the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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