Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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