chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
