If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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