please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
