I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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