her vagine was all disorganized.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
