his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
