mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Randomize
