Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
