We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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