I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
