She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
