I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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