I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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