He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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