seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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