yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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