so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
