you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm passing your future prison.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize