Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
