Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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