So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
