i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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