so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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