went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
