getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
