I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
