her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
