the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
