So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
