had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
