So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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